Nose Uncle Page 2

  ‘What? You mean he’s a fraud?’

  ‘Exactly, I couldn’t have put it better myself.’

  ‘Then who is he?’ asked Nisha.

  ‘Why is he here?’ chimed in Ram.

  ‘Those are both excellent questions. It’ll be most interesting to look for the answers.’

  ‘What was the second thing?’ said Nisha.

  ‘Ah, that’s even more interesting. You remember that Rigolet said he’d got permission from the owner of the land to dig there?’

  The children nodded, food completely forgotten.

  ‘Well, I know that’s a lie.’

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘Because, as it happens, I am the owner,’ announced Nose Uncle. ‘It belonged to my father. I think I’d have remembered if I’d been asked! Now eat up or the soup will get cold.’

  But before they could proceed, there was an insistent knock at the door. Nose Uncle sighed and put down his soup spoon. ‘No rest for the wicked,’ he said and went to the door and opened it.

  Standing in the doorway was one of the villagers, panting as if he had run all the way.

  ‘Siva,’ said Nose Uncle. ‘What’s the matter?’

  ‘It’s those strange men digging on your land,’ huffed Siva.

  ‘What about them? Have they damaged anything?’

  ‘No, sir. But they have found something.’

  ‘That’s not too surprising. What have they found?’

  ‘Bones,’ said Siva, his eyes alive with excitement, ‘lots of bones.’

  Chapter 4

  Uncle’s nose turned pink and quivered slightly.

  ‘Bones? What sort of bones?’

  ‘Old bones, sir,’ said Siva.

  Nose Uncle took a deep breath.

  ‘Dog bones? Goat bones? Ox bones?’ He paused. ‘Or human bones?’

  Siva looked unhappy and lowered his eyes.

  ‘I don’t know, sir. They’ve only just dug them up.’ His face brightened. ‘Come and look for yourself, sir. You will be able to tell.’

  ‘Hmm. Very well. Come along you two. Lunch is over. Lesson one in forensic archaeology is coming up.’

  ‘Forensic, Nose Uncle? What does forensic mean?’

  However, Nose Uncle was already out of the door.

  They followed him and Siva across the mango orchard and down the path that led to the village and the open space. There were palm trees and low bushes on either side of the path. On Nose Uncle’s instructions, the children stayed well away from these.

  ‘Snakes,’ Nose Uncle told them. ‘They won’t harm you unless you frighten them or tread on them, but keep your eyes open all the same.’

  They had almost reached the village when, through the trees, Nisha and Ram caught sight of a flash of colour.

  ‘What’s that?’ breathed Ram. ‘Is it pirates?’

  ‘Don’t be silly,’ said Nisha, although she herself was slightly worried.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ growled Nose Uncle, seeing they had dropped back.

  ‘Look there,’ said Nisha. ‘Someone’s there.’

  She could now make out a group of women, dressed in brightly coloured saris. They appeared to be in the process of setting up camp. Already a thin plume of smoke was rising into the air from a cooking fire and women were busy laying out pots and pans.

  ‘That’s strange,’ she said, ‘I can’t see any men.’

  ‘Perhaps they’ve gone off to rob people,’ whispered Ram, making sure Nose Uncle and Nisha were between him and the women. ‘Shouldn’t we warn the villagers?’

  ‘Nonsense,’ said Nose Uncle, ‘these are my old friends. And here comes their leader. Welcome, Preeti!’

  One of the women, much older than the rest, with only a few teeth, and wearing a bright pink and orange sari, picked her way through the trees and approached Nose Uncle. She greeted him with upraised hands.

  ‘Greetings, O Wise One,’ she said in a surprisingly deep voice. ‘It has been a long time since we last met.’

  ‘It’s good to see you again,’ Nose Uncle returned her greeting. ‘Help yourselves to mangoes while you are here; there has been an excellent crop this year.’

  ‘That’s because of the love and care you bestow on them,’ said Preeti, pulling her sari end over her head, taking care not to conceal her huge gold hooped earrings.

  ‘Nonsense,’ said Nose Uncle, but smiling with pride at the same time. ‘For how long are you here this time?’

  ‘When all those who seek blessings from us have been satisfied,’ replied Preeti.

  ‘Good, good.’ Nose Uncle now spoke almost absentmindedly, as if a sudden thought had struck him. ‘Look, why don’t you come and see me later on? There is something I need to discuss with you. I may need your help.’

  ‘We are all in your debt and always at your service,’ said Preeti. ‘I shall meet you later. For the moment, take care.’

  Siva stayed with Preeti, while Nose Uncle resumed his march to the field, with Ram and Nisha hurrying to keep up. Nisha had been doing some thinking.

  ‘You know,’ she said suddenly. ‘I don’t think they were women at all. They are wearing saris and trying to look like women, but I believe they are really men.’

  ‘Maybe they are pirates in disguise,’ suggested Ram.

  ‘Yes and no,’ Nose Uncle replied mysteriously.

  ‘Gosh, you mean they are bandits?’ demanded a round-eyed Ram.

  ‘No.’

  ‘You mean they aren’t men?’ asked Nisha.

  ‘They are and they aren’t. They are hijras. They come here every year, to bless the villagers in exchange for a few rupees at a time.’

  ‘Wow!’ said Ram, looking over his shoulder. ‘Are they dangerous?’

  ‘Look,’ said Nose Uncle, slowing for a second. ‘Just because people are different doesn’t make them a threat. They happen to be decent people who are earning an honest living. In addition, they are my friends. Now, let’s move on, shall we? I want to see these bones that Siva was so excited about.’

  The field, that earlier in the day had been empty and overgrown, looked like a construction site. A couple of diggers were throbbing away at opposite ends and, already, two or three long trenches, looking like giant graves, were scarring the surface of the field. In a far corner was a large group of men, staring down into a trench.

  Nose Uncle stopped and looked long at what had been done to his land.

  ‘Ignorant fellows,’ he muttered. ‘All muscle and no brains.’ He turned to Ram and Nisha. ‘Do you see what they have done? Archaeology is delicate business. You could easily lose valuable evidence about the past if you don’t go about your task slowly and carefully. These fellows have charged in and started digging, like jackals after a bone. Who knows what has been destroyed already. Criminals, I say!’

  They walked over to the crowd of men. Lentil Brain turned as he heard them approach. His face darkened.

  ‘I thought I told you this is none of your business,’ he barked.

  ‘Let him stay,’ smiled Rigolet. ‘He might learn something from us. This is the modern way of doing things, Professor. And we have some results already.’ He gestured to the trench where his silent companion, seated on a folding canvas stool, was sketching whatever had been found there.

  ‘Yes, we have found something of great interest,’ added Lentil Brain.

  ‘Archaeology is not just about finds,’ said Nose Uncle. ‘It’s also about looking at the wider picture. Anyway, what do you think you have found?’

  ‘A skeleton,’ said Rigolet. ‘Roman, of course.’

  ‘Why “of course”?’

  Lentil Brain gave a dramatic sigh. ‘This is a Roman site,’ he said.

  ‘I know,’ said Nose Uncle. ‘I found it, remember? But that doesn’t mean everything found on a Roman site is Roman.’ He pointed to the pile of earth by the side of the trench. ‘I see there’s an old rusty soft drink can over there. It was found in this field, but that doesn’t make it Roman.’

&
nbsp; ‘I agree,’ said Rigolet. ‘But this is a complete skeleton, which means it wasn’t cremated. And people in this region cremates their dead.’

  ‘True,’ nodded Nose Uncle. ‘There’s only one thing wrong with that line of thinking.’

  ‘What’s that?’ asked Rigolet, his smile slipping.

  ‘Well, the Romans of this period also cremated their dead. Whoever is in that hole is no Roman. Do you mind if I take a look?’

  Lentil Brain glanced at Rigolet, who agreed reluctantly.

  Nose Uncle jumped down into the trench and Nisha and Ram moved forward to see what he was doing.

  At the bottom of the trench, which was about six feet deep, lay a skeleton. It was on its side. Nothing else could be seen. Nose Uncle went down on his knees and examined the bones. For a long time, he carefully looked all over the skeleton, inch by inch and from head to toe. Eventually, he sat back on his heels and grunted.

  ‘As I thought. It’s not Roman.’

  ‘How can you be so sure?’ challenged Lentil Brain.

  ‘Quite,’ said Rigolet. ‘My thoughts exactly.’

  Nose Uncle squinted up at them. ‘Well,’ he said, ‘although the Romans were pretty smart, I don’t think they were all that hot on dentistry.’

  ‘What?’ asked Lentil Brain.

  Nose Uncle rose to his feet and, with the aid of one of the workers, clambered out of the trench.

  ‘You see,’ he said, brushing the sand from his clothes and hands. ‘This fellow is wearing a set of obviously false teeth. This is no longer a matter for archaeologists. I think you ought to call the police.’

  Chapter 5

  ‘The police!’ shouted Lentil Brain. ‘Why should we call in the police?’

  ‘Good lord, man,’ cried Nose Uncle, ‘we have a dead body, or what’s left of it. And dead bodies have to be investigated! This skeleton has to be reported.’

  ‘Not if it’s an ancient body,’ said Rigolet, jumping down into the trench. ‘I don’t have to take the Professor’s word for it. Let me see.’ He bent over the skeleton so that Nisha and Ram could not see what he was doing. ‘I must say that there’s no sign of false teeth as far as I can tell.’

  ‘What?’ said Lentil Brain. ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘See for yourself,’ said Rigolet.

  The official clambered down into the trench and joined him. He looked closely at the skull of the skeleton and then stood up and smiled at Nose Uncle.

  ‘He’s right, there are no false teeth. You are either mistaken or were trying to mislead are us. Thank you, Professor, for your comments, but I think you’d better let Mr Rigolet carry on with his work. We have wasted enough time as it is.’

  Nose Uncle looked at the pair of them over the top of his half-moon glasses. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but said nothing. He turned to Ram and Nisha.

  ‘Come on you two. There’s a bad smell around here. Let’s go somewhere healthier. You know, there’s another dig I’ve always been meaning to get going. Now’s my chance.’ He turned and faced Lentil Brain and Rigolet.

  ‘Your university must be proud of you,’ he said to the foreigner. ‘And don’t worry about missing me; I’ll be back.’

  As they left the field, Ram looked back at the busy diggers, the open trenches and the silent foreigner. The lady looked up from her drawing, stared at him for a long second from behind her sunglasses and then carried on with her work.

  Back in Nose Uncle’s house, Nisha and Ram did not know what to say or do. Nose Uncle appeared to have made a mistake and that made both of them uncomfortable. They sat on his old sofa, hands in their lap, and said nothing.

  Nose Uncle, who had been stacking some mangoes on the side table in the kitchen, washed his hands and dried them on a threadbare towel.

  ‘What’s wrong with you two?’ he demanded. ‘Cat got your tongue?’

  ‘No, sir,’ said Nisha.

  ‘Did you really find false teeth?’ asked Ram, who could not keep quiet any longer.

  Nose Uncle stared at him and then smiled.

  ‘So that’s what you two have been worrying about,’ he said. ‘Of course, I did. Rigolet took them and hid them in his pocket, that’s all. Why do you think he placed his body so that we couldn’t see what he was doing?’

  ‘But why would he lie?’ said Nisha.

  ‘Because he wants to go on digging without having the police around,’ said Nose Uncle.

  Ram had been thinking. ‘Then if the skeleton didn’t belong to a Roman, whose was it?’

  Nose Uncle smiled again. ‘An excellent question, that richly deserves an answer. I wish I could give you the answer.’ He tapped the side of his nose. ‘But I will later,’ he said. ‘You can be sure of that. Now let’s have supper.’

  Meena had left them a table full of food. Rice, of course, but also dal, a huge bowl of curd, rotis and spiced snake beans. Dessert, of course, was mangoes.

  They had just finished supper, and Nisha and Ram were clearing the table, when there was a thunderous knock at the door. Ram started and nearly dropped a plate, but Nose Uncle calmly stood and walked slowly over to the door.

  ‘Ah, Preeti,’ he said. ‘Welcome. Come in.’

  Nisha looked out of the corner of her eye at Preeti. She had changed her clothes and was now wearing a purple and gold salwar kameez. She had put on a great deal of makeup and tied her greying hair into a long plait, but she still looked like a thin old man.

  Preeti smiled her toothless smile at the two children and, when Nose Uncle invited her to sit down, perched on the edge of a kitchen chair.

  ‘What can I do for you, O Grower of Magnificent Mangoes?’

  Nose Uncle grinned with pleasure, and his nose seemed to shimmer with a rosy glow.

  ‘Are you settled in?’

  ‘We are most comfortable and we thank you for allowing us to stay on your land. Your generosity is boundless.’

  ‘I dare say. Now, have some mango and I’ll tell you what has happened.’

  Nose Uncle told her all that had taken place in the field, including the discovery of the skeleton with the false teeth, while Preeti listened, eating mangoes rather noisily. When Nose Uncle had finished speaking, she nodded thoughtfully.

  ‘And how can we help?’ she asked.

  Nose Uncle adjusted his half-moon glasses.

  ‘The skeleton,’ he said. ‘I don’t think that’s the main problem. Even the false teeth don’t bother me. It’s clearly very old because the false teeth were made of metal. So we need not worry about someone missing from round here. I only mentioned calling in the police just to see how they would all react. No, there’s something else I would like you to do for me.’

  Preeti nodded. ‘You only have to say it.’

  ‘Exactly. Now, there is obviously something fishy going on with all the lies we’ve already been told. You and your people have your ears closer to the ground. Perhaps you could keep a lookout—but very carefully so as not to arouse suspicion—to see what these people are up to.’

  Preeti nodded again, her hooped earrings swinging violently. ‘It shall be done, O mighty one,’ she said and stood to leave.

  Nose Uncle rose to show her to the door. ‘Thank you in advance,’ he said.

  ‘If there is anything else you need, you know where we are,’ replied Preeti.

  ‘I have a feeling I shall need your services again,’ said Nose Uncle. ‘Goodbye.’

  Nisha and Ram, having finished washing up and putting away the dishes, sat at the table with Nose Uncle.

  ‘What do we do now?’ asked Nisha.

  Ram yawned. ‘I’m tired,’ he said.

  Nose Uncle stared at the two children. ‘Are you ready to carry on helping me?’

  They looked at each other and then nodded.

  ‘Good, because the next stage might be tricky.’

  ‘Tricky? How?’ said Ram.

  Nose Uncle smiled and his nose turned slightly red.

  ‘How is your eyesight?’ he asked.

 
‘Fine.’

  ‘Good, and how about at night. Are you afraid of the dark?’

  ‘Why?’ said Nisha, nervously stroking her pigtail.

  ‘Because I plan to go back to the field and take a closer look. Are you willing to come with me?’

  ‘You mean tonight?’

  ‘I do. When all the diggers and archaeologists are tucked up in bed, we shall creep down there and see what we can find out. Are you still with me?’

  Ram crept closer to his sister. ‘Yes,’ he whispered. ‘We are.’

  Chapter 6

  ‘What about the snakes?’ asked Nisha, frowning. ‘If we can’t see where we are walking, we might step on one.’

  ‘And there might be tigers,’ put in Ram. ‘Or leopards, out hunting for food.’

  ‘You forgot to mention scorpions,’ said Nose Uncle.

  ‘Or ghosts,’ added Ram.

  ‘Look, now you’ve frightened yourselves about what might be out there in the night,’ said Nose Uncle. ‘Just calm down. The most you’re likely to meet are jackals, and they’ll keep well away from us. Of course,’ he added in a kinder tone, ‘you’re right that we have to be careful where we walk, so that’s why we’ll not be walking.’

  The two children were puzzled.

  ‘We can’t drive there,’ said Nisha. ‘It would make too much noise.’

  ‘Though it would frighten away ghosts,’ said Ram, brightening up.

  Nose Uncle sighed. ‘Of course we can’t go by car,’ he said. ‘Come on, follow me and I’ll show you how we are going to get there.’

  He took down a large bunch of keys that hung on a hook by the kitchen door and picked up a large torch. He led them out of the house to a small wooden shed by the back door that was protected by a massive lock and chain. Nose Uncle selected a key and opened the shed door. He turned on the torch.

  ‘There!’ he said triumphantly. ‘So what do you think of that?’

  Nisha and Ram peered into the shed. There, gleaming in the torchlight, was a bright yellow pedal rickshaw, complete with a green folding hood.

  ‘Wow!’ exclaimed Ram.

  ‘Who is going to pedal?’ asked Nisha.

  ‘I am, of course,’ replied Nose Uncle. ‘You don’t think I am going to let anyone else use my pride and joy, are you? It’ll get us silently along the path to the field without making any noise and, at the same time, keep us safe from any of the wildlife that you seem so concerned about.’